Second place: Beier
"Really?... Never even kissed a girl?"

Third place: Louis
Wolverine: Do you even realize how many hookers I've killed?
Scott: Yikes.

Rice
Choad: "So you're telling me your skeleton is lined with steel?"
Wolverine: "No, I told you my bone is as hard as a steel rod standing next to you...because I go to U of M and suck..."
[Rice, I think we both know that you could've done a lot better than that.]

Dan C.
Wolverine <slurring>: See what a lot of people don't understand Jimmy, is that superheroes are people too, people with feelings. We can suffer heartache just like any other normal average Joe.
Scott: My name isn't Jimmy.
Wolverine: That Jean Grey is a real slut you know that Jimbo? I ought to show her what a shocker from me feels like. That fuckin' bitch.

"Chief Wiggum"
Dude your tag is sticking out.....
Wolverine guy...Thanks bro...i love you
Guy in the back.....I'll show you how strong antimantium really is...
[It's "adamantium", jackass.  Put your real name next time.]

Rachel
"Dude...when I am like, in the ship, like....the pressure is so strong that, like, I have to hold my balls so they don't vibrate. Then my superdude space suit makes me all sweaty and dude, its cool. Yeah, its cool man. Yeah, my girl dumped me. Why do you ask?"
[Every week people submit captions without fully understanding the meaning of the word "hilarious".  Rachel, I think you need to start with figuring out what "remotely funny" means.]

Trenton Andrew Lane
Dude, please don't let Robin find out that im gay with you after work because he'll want to be just like me again.
[Trenton, that's Wolverine, not Batman, you fuck.  Even if that was Batman, that's still not funny.]

Trent
Batman: If i tell u who i really am do u promise not to tell anyone?
Robin's Twin: I dont care who you are i just need a piece.
Batman: A piece of what?
Robin's Twin: Now you know it's every gay man's goal to tap some bat in his day.
[Again... NOT FUNNY.]

Aaron
"Hey I got an idea to spice up our relationship, lets role play. You dress like the wolverine and I will be a hobbit."

Aaron
"Hey, Wolvie, how many mai tais have you drank today!?"
[You shoulda stuck with this one, Stone.  If you don't get this caption, check out the worst caption from last time.]

Dan C.
Wolverine: "Yeah I know what you mean. Even us superheroes get pretty pissed off when Gino doesn't update the site on time. We save the world on a daily basis and that ass clown can't even update a damn personal website?"
Scott: "Are you going to say something to him about it?"
Wolverine: "Fuck no, are you crazy?"

Roy
When your grundle itches, just call on Wolverine.

No name
"I've never told anyone this, but every time my claws come out a little peace of me dies...(starts to weep)"
[First of all, submit your name with your weak-ass caption.  Secondly, it's "piece".

Sean
"Dude!!!! Where is your costume?"
[Dude!!! Where is your funny caption?]

Eddie
"Ok, i'm not really wolverine, but will you tell me that i am retarded?"
[Ok, Eddie, you're retarded.]

Malcolm
Yeah, the last guy I beat the piss out of gave me the finger.
[Oh man, and the guy behind him is giving him the finger!!! He better watch out!  Oh man!]

Malcolm
Super Hero: If I turn around and he's still giving me the finger...
[When you set us up and then leave us hangin' like that the joke pretty much writes itself...[

Chris
hey meat me in the barn at midnight
["Meat"?  Come on now...]

Kid Ric
Look dude, there's a few things you need to know about this super hero business.
[... Go on.  We're listening...  Oh, that was it?  Good one.]

Dan L.
"Listen bro, I was all for dressing up as the Ambiguously Gay Duo but without you in costume I just look gay..."

Worst caption:  MDS
Michigan Man: I dont know if it's the beer talking, but you should know that being the toughest...("hick") Super hero, no one ever gives me crap.
Kid: Someones giving you the finger dude!
Michigan Man: Thats okay, he's my side kick punk ass!
[Where were you going with this, MDS?  Was that a joke?  Or just a story?  I don't get it.]

Second place: Tim Kipp
Jason: Hey Gino do you think he will do it again?
Gino: No way he's asleep, plus you have already made him do it 26 times. Plus I think he knows now we are just making fun of him. 
Jason: I don't know, I think I still can.
Gino: Alright give it a try.
(Jason wakes up Troy)
Jason: Hey Troy can I borrow another dollar?

Gino
Troy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Squirrel: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Troy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHHHHH!!!
Squirrel: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Troy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Daryl Swartz
Holy god is that really what I look like?!

Dan C.
Squirrel Wallet - $19.99
Disclaimer: The squirrels used in the making of this wallet are the Eastern Gray squirrels whose scientific name is Sciurus carolinensis.

Dan C.
Troy: "There are about 300 varieties of squirrels around the world. In North America there are ten. Examples are the red/brown squirrels that live in evergreen trees and eat seeds of pinecones and the gray squirrel which lives in woods of oaks, ashes, and beeches and mainly eats beech nuts and acorns."
Gino: "So why is there a picture of it on your wallet again?"
Troy: "Because chicks dig squirrels...duh!!!!"

Julia
See dude, I told you there was a strong family resemblance!!

"Sickness"
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
["Sickness", you have a stupid name.  Disturbed sucks.  Get a life.]

T-Roy
Dude, you should not expect any lesssss.....

Rice
Troy's colonoscopy yielded very odd results...

Louie
Troy had a tough time making friends anyway, let alone when they found out who his best friend was.

Evan
... And they lived happily ever after.

Dan L.
"...Of course I'm not going to believe that's your dad Troy. Prove it!"

D.J. Lowery
The family resemblance was uncandid.
[Uncandid?!  Are you serious?!]

Darren D.
See people realy do look loke there pets!
[I don't loke like nobody, pal.]

Aaron
Aaaaand ok, Troy, the tube is in, here comes Mr. Nuttycheeks. 

Jeff B.
So like, OKAY officer, did you ever see a drivers license picture that DID look like the driver?!
[Har har.]

Jeff B.
This is me just one week before the teeth whitening visit.

Disa
Do y'all want my son?
[No, Disa.  What I really want is for you to never submit another caption as long as you shall live.]

Drey
What happened to me girlfriend?!
[I don't know, what the fuck happened to me Lucky Charms?!]

Justin Bollinger
Hey, Pa, I think I might of founded my soulmate over spring break!
[Alright, that's pretty funny.]

Worst caption was submitted by:  Beier
Exactly how many mai tais did I have last night??!!
[Beier, who the fuck drinks mai tais?!  That was absolutely horrible.]

Ish
Shaltz: Kipp, where's your shocker???
Kipp: Rice will find out soon enough, Whaaaa!
Rice: (gulp)

Rice
Kipp opened his eyes to find two shockers flying in his direction, which prompted him to activate his high pitched "rape scream."

Dan C.
Does this disgust you?  Let's work together to put an end to PDH's (Public Displays of Homosexuality).  
 
Paid for by A World Against Gays Relief Effort.

Geri
I swear I only had 3 beers!

Tim
HAHA, I get it. The shocker right! Man is that funny. Isnt it something like "two in the pink, and one in the stink". HA brilliant. I mean really its something that gets a good laugh almost everytime. Gosh, When I look at this picture you know what I say to myself...  "These guys, are way cool, probably too cool for me, I mean I am not getting down on myself because sometimes I get pushed into walls or called names, but these guys look like some cool dudes. For Christ sake I still give the peace sign, and thumbs up in pictures. I am such an Idiot. Why can't I be more like these guys. Jesus Tim, didnt you get the memo facial hair isnt cool anymore, do you see these guys with hair on their face, no cause they are cool and I am not. I bet no one would want to take a picture of me. The only person who will take a picture with me is my mother and my dog puddles, and my mom probably doesn't even know what the shocker is, and puddles can't because of he has paws and not hands. Damnit Tim here you go again feeling sorry for yourself. I am cool. I mean for one I drink Squirt, which seems to be what the kids like these days. I sorta look like that kid all the way to the left, which should count for something. And umm Red is one of my favorite colors. Plus one time I stole three of my dads beers and made a Orange Juice Miller light Mixers. It took me a while to get them all down, and it didnt taste very good, but it was way cool. I was way drunk and then got onto the AOL and chatted in the private rooms all night. I probably cybered with like 5 or 6 babes, it was probably the best night of my life.
[Tim, this made me cry... in pain.]

Scott
Up my ass.

Louie
After Matt asked Jason and Jeff if they would shock his ass, I think Jason was a little more down for it than Jeff was.

Evan
Simply shocking!

k-mac
What this picture doesn't show is the man giving the guy in the grey shirt a shocker of his own.
[You're right... it... doesn't...]

Mike
HOLY SHIT THEY ATE OFF THEIR RING FINGERS!
[Mike, maybe you didn't see the sign.  This is the HILARIOUS Caption Contest.]

Dan L.
I've got nothing. Really. If I was in a bar and the people next to me posed for a picture like this I would get up and move across the room. I think Rice was thinking about moving and then got pulled into the picture by Shaltz. Talk about tough luck. I can see Shaltz saying to him seconds before, "Put the shocker up or I'll choke you out!"

Katie
J: YEAH! I love Star Trek too!
[Katie, you need the shocker explained to you, don'tcha?]

Worst caption was submitted by:  Don
Guy on left: Duh Duh, Mid guy: man im so constipated, Dude on right: oh my God, dude we're gonna be on the internet.
[Man, Don, I bet that was hilarious in your head.  Whew!  Wow.]

Second-worst caption was submitted by: yodaddy62000
these 2 characters were born without any male genitals, so they had undergo an 8hr surgery to attach their fingers to replace their missing manhood...
[So let me get this straight...  Your name is yodaddy62000?  With a name like that you'd think that you could've thought of something funny...  Then again...]

Second Place: Beier
Shaltz to the gentleman on his right, "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
[Beier, you surprised me this week.  I actually thought yours was pretty damn funny for how simple it was, but I couldn't make you the winner.  You haven't earned it yet.]

Evan
After listening to the man's story about how he contracted syphilis from his best friend in high school. Jason and Jeff become oddly interested and intrigued, begging him to tell them what happened next. Everyone else ignores the relationship advice Jason and Jeff receive following the stories.

Dan C.
Damn white people. Always botherin' a brotha when he's try'n t'git his meditationary reflection period on...This cracker in da pink-fairy color'd shirt thinks he's gonna try an' touch me?  Bitch, I'm 'bout ta have ta raise up and bust'a cap in his cracker ass. Shit, his boys won't even help 'em none either; this fool on my right can't even look at me. Like he's too good to look a black man in the face. Yeah, well I gots news for his racist cracker ass, my 9 ain't too good to look his bitch ass in da face. And don't think I didn't see that Nazi eagle on my man's black shirt either... I'll deal with his Nazi bitch ass.  Every time a brotha tries to leave his house he's got ta deal with these racist-ass white people. Mothafucka. <sigh>

Louie
V-Neck Guy, weak RAWWK shirt guy, tough but I'm wearing pink, and really big-eared ugly guy all go to visit the Wizard of Detriot.
[Louie, your ass was saved by Ben and Greg.  This was just plain not funny.]

Rice
How ironic that the one person who didn't hear ol' drunk Duke start to wake up was Dumbo...

Aaron
Come on Scott, talk to him. He said he was sorry and didn't mean it.  Now look what you've done, you made the darkie cry.
[Racist.]

Aaron
I knew Kipp was pretty good at gettin' a tan but daaaamn.

Worst caption was submitted by:  Ben
"May the Lord strike down on all white people!"
[Um... What?]

Second-worst caption was submitted by:  Greg T.
I never thought the kids down at country club played C-Lo.
[I'll repeat myself.  Um... What?]

Tyson Ours
I can't believe they put this on Queer Eye.
[Tyson, who ARE you?]

Rice
Stone: "Scott, you look like you could use another tall, stiff one."
Rice: "Great - and now I've lost my erection..."

Brad to the mutha Ervin
"... So we had a few drinks, went back to her place... Anyway, to make
a long story short, Samantha has a schlong."

Benjamin
You'll drink much.
[What?!  What does that even mean?!  That's the first thing you thought of when you looked at that picture?  Wow.]

Tim Kipp
There are four different ways to act when you fart, and we have examples of all four reactions above.
1.1st to the left we have Scott who is demonstrating the "I can't believe I just farted, I didn't even feel it coming" face.
2. The man standing last in order is demonstrating the "I just ripped one, but I'm going to stand here like I don't smell anything" face.
3. We have Jeff in the orange shirt demonstrating the "I farted, but hey, everybody farts" face.
4. Lastly and my personal favorite we have Aaron in red demonstrating the "Yeah I farted, and I m damn proud of it" face.

Jessica
Oh thank god the topless dancer is here!
[I'll cut you some slack because you're a chick and chicks are inherently less humorous than guys.  Next time check out the Caption Contest Archive before submitting so that you know what you're up against.  Granted, this week's entries weren't stellar, but the guys are rusty.]

Bekka
Hey guys, is it gay to mastrabate in front for each other?
[Bekka, I have never "MASTRABATED" before, but it must be hilarious or else you wouldn't have included it in your caption submission.]

Aaron
Get me out of Munchkin Land hell!

Tom
Dork Squad!

Dan L - Big Ish
Come on guys, how we're we suppose to know she was only 16-years-old?

Andrew
Hey I'm a big fucking dummy.
[Watch the language, mister!  You suck your daddy's dick with that mouth?]

Nick Papotto
Your a bitch, and a motherfucker.
[No, YOU'RE a bitch and a motherfucker.]

Last week's worst caption was submitted by:  Jason Beier
"I see a real battle-of-whits shaping up here."

Jason, Jason, Jason.  What can I say?  Firstly, I'm honored that you submitted a caption.  Secondly, I am honored to award you as having the worst caption of the week after a long Hilarious Caption Contest hiatus.  This should be just as rewarding as having the best caption, let me tell you.  You really nailed it too, buddy.  You had all the great characteristics of a truly awful caption.  You had a misspelled word ("Whits"?!  Come on, man.), clearly no thought put into it, and - above all - it wasn't funny in any way, shape, or form.  Jason, you brought a tear to my eye with how horrible this caption was.  Upon reading it, I vowed that no one could possibly top your caption as being the worst.  Louie Anderson, the all-time worst caption submitter, could've mailed me a turd as his submission and he would've beaten you.

Now, Beier, before you go into your local post office and decide to mow down some poor federal workers, take what I say as tongue-in-cheek (check the Caption Contest Archive and see how I treat my best friends).  You gotta pick yourself up and submit another one.  That's the only way to get over this terrible, terrible setback in your life.  Good luck, buddy.

Aaron
Hrey, roo come back hrere wif my dinna!

Dan C.
Gino: Alright, you drive a hard bargain... How about I give you two and a half sticks of gum, a fresh beer, and one of my Star Wars collectables?
Phil: Dude, I'm not going to let you eat my dog.  Seriously, get away from me.

Rice
Phil: Geno, I think that chick totally wanted me!
Gino: Dude, she wants your dog.
Phil: What?
Gino: She's hungry, dude...

Phil: Geno, did you hear Asian chicks twats are horizontal?
Gino: DUDE! That's such a racial stereotype!
Miko: Hey, Jin, you heal white man have rittre wee-wee?
Jin: Hord my pulse whire I go curr my stlaight pubic hails.

Phil
Phil: Ok gEno here's how it's gonna go: The owner of this dog is gonna dump me, 3 weeks after that she'll be engaged!  I'll never see the dog again and I'm the one who stands outside in the middle of the night NAKED on Saginaw St.
Gino: YOU WERE NAKED...... YUCKKKKKK!

Tim
Gino: So what's with the dog, Phil?
Phil: Glad you asked Gino... I read somewhere that chicks love guys with dogs, and will approach you without you having to do anything - it works great. I've got chicks all over me.
Gino: Well then why didn't those Asian chicks say anything?
Phil: 'Cause I'm carrying a beer.
Gino: What does that have to do with the dog?
Phil: Well nothing really, it probably just disgusts them that I would be drinking while I am pregnant.
Gino: You're pregnant?... Well I'll be damned. Congratulations.

Dan L.
Phil: I can't believe you wouldn't hold my beer while I grabbed the dog from that Chinese bitch. It would have been dinner tonight! 
Gino: Ohhh, now I get why you asked!

Last week's worst caption was submitted by:  Troy
So I was walking down the street in this orange shirt right......?

Uh... Troy, you sorta shit the bed on that one...

Last week's second-worst caption was submitted by:  Louie
Random Asian Girl: I only eat cream of some young guy.
Gino: Asian chicks are so hot but they are never into greasy Italians.
Phil: Well no one is into Canadians, not even with this cute puppy.
Gino: Canada does suck.
Phil: So does your weak cat, shouldn't you be home celebrated its 2 years, 8 weeks and 23 minutes birthday Gino?  Might as well take some pictures of your cat and put them on the web site.

Hey, Louie, I heard telling jokes that are over a month old over and over is really funny...  It's like you could see the blaze on the horizon, started to run towards it, then got tired and settle on this shitty caption.

Rice
My head just exploded from all of the gay comments that could and should go along with this picture.

Jon
Five points to the one who can point out who looks the most gay in this picture.

Evan
Extreme Makeover meets the fab five of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  Watch your assholes, boys!

Louis
As these 30-year-olds are out having a good time, little do they know that they are all going bald. Have fun with unclogging your drains.

Dan C.
Everybody say, "Oh, Billy!!!"

Beer can says, "I really don't belong in a group hug with a bunch of flaming homosexuals, not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just not how I swing.  Please destroy the evidence linking me to this, and for God's sake, someone kill me."

Tim Kipp
Picture taker: Haha... Ok guys, this time smile like you are really gay and into each other.
Guys: Haha, ok!
Picture taker: Ok 1... 2.. Uhhhhhhhhhhh nevermind... I'm outta here.

Question: What happens to you when you go on spring break even though you're not in college anymore?
Answer: This

Looks like Jesus isn't your only homeboy. Gosh they are all so cute... Except for that pile if mess in the left hand corner.

So what are you waiting for? San Francisco says come as you are.

Worst caption: Tim Kipp
I don't know what is more pathetic: This group of guys on spring break past their prime with no chicks and still couldn't be happier orrr... pictures of Gino's cat on the Written Word page and telling us the cat is 2... Hey Gino, you know what? I say "Big fucking deal!" You wanna know what? I hate cats.

You know what, Tim?  YOU suck!

Second worst caption: Dan C.
Goonies reunion party.  Sloth regrets that he was unable to attend.

Goonies?  Never heard of it.

Victor
I don't care if I go crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch
crazy go I if care don't I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

Daunt
I got nothing, so can I get worst caption??

Worst caption: Everyone else

Rice
A little confused as he woke up in the bar the next morning, he
mistakenly thought the statue was attempting to give him a wet willy.  After a verbal beating by Dan, the statue did not move, and Dan proclaimed, "Quit trying to act so HARD, mister!" But the statue couldn't help it, he was made out of oak, which had been a setback since day one.
[Hahahaha!  Rice and Louie tied!  I bet Rice would've rather had worst caption.]

Dan C.
Old Man: Damn kid, you've got to stop whackin' it in my tool shed.
Dan: I need T.P. for my bunghole!

Daunt
Dan: I swear she doesn't mean nothing, we're just getting married so my parents will think that I'm straight!
Gay Bouncer: Oh no you didn't go running around with some white girl, we are through, honkey!

Russ
If you saw a greasy cricket jump off the edge of a rusted toothpick,
would the clouds clog the drain with... HOT DOGS! Everybody loves hotdogs. They're long, meaty, and delicious. You can boil, bake, fry, and barbeque one. Hotdog should run for president and merry Hamburger. Them two combinations could take over the world and space. Think about it, you could put ketchup, mustard, and onions on your world leader. Add some chili and relish and you got yourself a deluxe. And when they have their first born, French Fry... Well, let's just say move over, England's royalty, cause Hotdog, Hamburger, and French Fry are movin' in. Oh the possibilities...

Victor
Dude: Goddamn it, Dan, what did your brother tell you about coming to his bar actin' all fucked up?
Dan: C'mon I just have 5 bucks for a rock... I'll suck yo dick, man!
Dude: Ok... but no teeth this time, you asshole!

Worst caption: Troy
so the guy in the hat said hey buddy i got a gun in my pocket and i am not afraid to use it...dan looks down to a buldge in his pants...hey mister i will do whatever you want man dont shoot...allright this may be a little weird but we are the only ones in the bar...dan thinks this guy is gonna kill me...the man in the hat says bawchickabaw bawchickabaw and the gun in the pocket makes it

Troy, this caption submission was borderline best/worst.  Lay off the sauce, buddy...

Rice
12 Pack of Beer: $10.00
Ticket to CMU football game: $20.00
Having the girl from last night stand by your side for the next couple days before she discovers the herpes: Priceless!

Victor
What the fuck?! Nobody told me Ish was dating an Asian broad. Oh and by the way soul patches are for artistic fags and Gino.
[Hey, I'm artistic too...]

Dillon
So, you guys must have had a good time last night...
Random girl: "Oh Randy is just the sweetest!"
Ish:  "Yeah, real great time...The bitch thinks she's too good to let me shit on her chest."

Dan L.
Not all those booty calls leave early in the morning, huh Ish?

Evan
"Well class... in this picture you see the parasite's ability to attach itself to the host and suck the life out of it."

Tim
#2
Gino: Ish why do you wear that shirt every time I come see you guys?
Ish: Gino, you're just jealous 'cause I get mega babes coming up to me all the time.
Gino: Ish what the hell does that even have to do about you wearing that T shirt every damn time I see you?
Ish: Do you see this little cupcake next to me? She wants me and there isn't anything you can do about it.
Gino: Isn't that your cousin?
Ish: Second, but that doesn't count.
Gino: Yeah so anyways about that shirt, Ish, you are abusing its powers and therefore I forfeit your chances at the new and improved Ginocide shirt.
Ish: Is it cause I sleep with my cousin?
Gino: Partly, but mainly it has to do with spite.
Ish: You cant forfeit my right to a new and improved Ginocide shirt on the basis of spite!
Gino: Ish, what's my name?
Ish: Gino.

#3
Gino: Okay smile, you two!
<Both in their minds, thinking of the night past>
Ish: (This babe let me shove it in her b-hole last night... Sweet!)
Babe: (This douchebag calls it a b-hole! Hehehe!)

#4
Gino: Ish, who is your friend?
Ish: I don't know
Gino: Hey, who are you?
Ish: Don't bother, she doesn't talk. Just keeps smiling.
Gino: Really even if you say something really horrible and sad?
Ish: I've been trying all day hasn't worked.
Gino: I think I got something... "Hey....Hey there, guess what? There is no such thing as Santa Claus".
Ish (looking up at Gino sadly as he snaps a picture): Hey idiot, thanks a lot, way to ruin my day!
Gino: Ish, what the hell?! You're like 23. How the hell don't you know by now?
Ish: 'Cause I'm Jewish. Duh!
Gino: Then why do you care?
Ish (trying to change subject): Hey look, Gino, she stopped smiling.
Gino: It is probably because she figures you're not circumcised.
Ish: What the hell? Way to stereotype me just cause I'm Jewish and I still have foreskin on my penis. Huh, Gino, is that it?
Gino: Well I just thought that most Jews still have the extra skin that's all.
Ish: You know, Gino, it really hurts when people stereotype you just because of where you came from, but you wouldn't know that now would you?
Gino: I'm Italian, you dumb fuck.
Ish: Huh?
[Tim, this submission was pretty funny, but Jews have a whole ceremony solely for the purpose of circumcising a baby.  Sorry to burst your bubble, pal.]

#5
Jeff: Hey Ish, is that your new girlfriend?
Ish: No she is part of the Special Olympics team and this one group I'm in volunteers and takes them out for a day.
Gino: So you're saying that she is retarded?
Ish: No, Gino, she is mentally handicapped!
Jeff: But still she's kinda hot though, right?
Gino: Yeah, for a retard I'd say she is pretty smokin'.
Ish: Guys, I can't believe you... She doesn't get out very much and all you can think about is that she is sorta hot for a mentally handicapped person?
Jeff: Tell me you wouldn't do her.
Gino: Yeah really, Ish.
Ish: Alright alright, you guys are horrible. I think she just shit herself, so we gotta get going.
Jeff: Wait a sec, you have to change her?
Ish: No, Jeff, she is going to be walking around with a dump in her pants all day... Yes I change her!
Gino: Can I help?
Ish: God, no, Gino!
Gino: Damn.
Jeff: So you know how to change a diaper, Ish?
Ish: Yeah.
Gino: Wow, Ish, you're going to be one hell of a dad someday.

Louis
I wish she would stop touching my arm, she's probably going to pee on my leg. Piss Queen Junior.

Jon
They just found out she was pregnant.
[Jon, it took you two weeks to come up with that?!]

Worst caption: James Zellen
<Ish in deep thought> "Where am I going to put it?" after this drunk girl tells him he can put it wherever he wants.

That was, quite simply, horrible.

Ish
After coming back from his Chippendales interview, Matt feels pretty confident.
Matt: They told me I forgot the cufflinks, and it's a bowtie not a regular tie, but I did get some daps for the chest hair, so I think I have a shot. Come on, look at this body!

Evan
Matt surprised all his co-workers when he redefined the term "Casual Friday."

Troy
Matt Kipp is an idiot... That is my caption

Louie
So she had a penis.  Does that really make her a man?

Shaltz
"The tie came with the socks... What the fuck did you want me to do?!"

James Zellen
"We are coming to you live from Gay Fashion Week in Royal Oak.  This is a hot look for summer: high socks , a tie and no shirt.  Matt Kipp is all dressed up with nowhere to go."

Daunt
You know, this picture is funny, but I look at this and realize that Matt has a drinking problem. And I don't think we should encourage him anymore. He needs our help. Wait... I just realized he's wearing dress socks! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Aaron
So Kipp, how did the Chippendales audition go?!

Hey Kipp, I think you're missing something here, but I just can't figure it out... Oh wait, duh, comb your hair, you freak!

Victor
Forget the fucking quote... He has camel toe.  Where are his dick and balls? Plus his nipples are almost in his armpit.  It must be a rough life living as a deformed man such as this waste of space we see here.

Dan L.
"What?! No More Weekly Caption Contests?!?!"

Rice
Sloth sure cleans up nice.

Worst caption: Jason (not Shaltz)
Unfortunately, this picture was omitted from this year's swimsuit issue.

Rice
When Kipp awoke he realized it wasn't a dream and that he really was at the Elton John concert wearing only his underwear, some make-up, and a fur coat.

Dan L.
It's one of the office monkeys from that Super Bowl commercial!

Troy
I heard that if you can pull your lips over your head then you get all the free beer you can drink in this bar... Ahhhh man, I can't do it... Just a little short, but that guy has a cool lightning bolt on his black shirt... Cooooool man

Louie "Worst Quote" Anderson
No Shoes, No Shirt, NO SERVICE. (Matt Took This Very Hard On Himself). [Louie, why did you capitalize every word in the sentence?  Here ya go, buddy.]

Dillon
The Passion of the Kipp... in theaters this Easter... fuckers.

Daunt
New research has proven that deep meditation reduces the hair on your chest. Flint native Matt Kipp (shown above), is into the newest fad, "I've always had chest hair, ever since I was born", Kipp said, "this is my only reasonable chance to lose my chest hair and have any chance to have a normal sex life."

Worst caption: Ish
so ive been staring at matts chest for 30 minutes stoned, on snrroms
and drunk....and this has to be the weakest chest hair i've ever seen!! oh that guy look pretty weird behind him add that too gino. oh and
mister i'm sooo cool i don't have to look at the picture

Ish, you'd have a better track record if every time you came to the site you weren't wasted.

Ish
Tom: Hey guys aren't you impressed I can shoot red dots from my
mouth???
Gino: Nope.
Dillon: Nope.
Daunt: Aren't my shoes awesome... Wait, what was the question???

Aaron Stone
Tom:  No really, guys, she was a porn star and she invited a friend over and I handled them both like a champ.  I lasted all night long and they both had two orgasms.
Everyone: Suuure, Tom, I bet.
Tom:  Guys, it's true. If I'm lying, may God strike me dead right now.

Daunt
Tom: Republicans are the best.
Dillon: The Democrats are the better party and the Republicans suck ass!
Tom: Democrats suck!
 
After two hours of this, Gino and Daunt are thinking to themselves they rather set their balls on fire then listen to them talk. 
 
Oh wait, that's what really happened...

Worst caption: Louie
I'm not even gonna leave a quote because this picture is horrible. Booooooo.

Second-worst caption: Dan
Tom: Hey, we're having fun right???
Gino: No, we are not.  Somehow I thought burning my Zoology book would bring me more joy than this.  Once again, Frederici gets the last laugh.  Damn you, Frederici! Damn you and your terrible toupee!
Others in picture, thinking: This is so gay.  I really need to make some new friends or learn how to talk to girls.

[Dan, I feel partially responsible for your caption.  It's probably tough not knowing anyone in the picture except for me.  But hey, at least you can always count on Louie to take up most of the suck around here.]

Rice
Wait a minute! It doesn't rain inside! Are we drunk?

Aaron Stone
Hey, hurry up and get over here, Kipp is about to jump off the top step naked!!

"... Oh, Tom, man it was nuts and then she wanted me to shit on her chest while I give her the Shocker... Yeah, it was crazy shit, but I was like, 'What the hell? Ok, I will do it for ya this one time, Missy.'"

"But then I said, 'I fucked your mom last night,' and he got pissed and said that he was going to feed me my left nut and stick my right one in my ass. So, I was like, 'Ha! What are you going to do with my third one?!'"

"...Dude, I was going to be grounded but man I really didn't want to be... So then I was like, 'Ok, Dad, but only one finger to start with...'"

Tim
Tom: Hey, Garrett, remember when we were kids and you got hit by a car and almost died.
Both: HAHAHAHA!
Garrett: Hey, Tom, remember when we were kids and and you pissed your pants the same time I pooped mine?
Both: HAHAHAHA!
Tom: Hey remember when we were kids and I used to lube up your penis and you would ram me from the back until I passed out from excessive anal bleeding.
Both: Huh?

Jon
AAAAAAh!! Man, that was the worst golden shower ever.  What was that taste, apple?

Worst caption: Dan L.
In the midst of a devious plan to break into Ish's apartment and steal Laddie, his loveable and only bedroom companion, Tom and his partner realize that Laddie isn't such a great item to take.

[Dan, if the caption read, "In the midst of a devious plan to break into Ish's apartment and steal his watch, Tom and his partner realize that his watch isn't such a great item to take," then it would've been just as equally funny as the caption you submitted.]

Second-worst caption: Victor "Pony Keg" Anderson
Tom: See, I told you I have a better mouth for sucking cock.  Look how big around it is.
Garrett: Dude that is fucking gay... Gay like Jason Shaltz.
Tom: Yeah what a fag.

[Victor, since Louie doesn't come to the site anymore, I'm glad you're picking up his slack.]

Third-worst caption: Russ
They both laughed as they told the story of how the fucked each other in the ass last time they were both drunk together, then they realized they had never drank together and had just met.

[Alright, Russ, since you're new here, maybe you don't know the rules of this contest.  I put a picture up, then you figure out a FUNNY caption to go along with that picture.  I know it sounds tough, but this thing's been going pretty strong for a while now, so it's possible.  Hang in there, buddy.  Maybe read some books on what's funny, I don't know...]

Dillon
Father O'Doyle gave them bathing suits, a case of beer, and the Footloose soundtrack... and the rest, as they say, is history.

Rice
The sad thing is that three hours passed between pictures one and four.

The line for Tom's bathroom was all the way out to the pool and everyone really had to go...

Jon
Please tell me there was music playing...

Evan
Spot the straight guy and win a million dollars!!!  Good luck, you're gonna need it.

Dan
Shady Acres Retirement Community member Rose was extremely delighted when the entertainment arrived at her bachelorette party.  They didn't have much money to spend on this event, but no one left disappointed.

Gino
Liberace walked in and said, "What a bunch of faggots."

Worst caption: Ish
I thought this was guys gone wild why do they have pants on??? Oh boy, this has to be the worst caption...

Well, Ish, at least you're on point with one thing...

Dillon
Leave it to Gino to ruin what could have been an incredibly hot picture.

Worst caption: Everyone else
Dan C.
Commentator: Tag-team champions of the world, Italian Ice, are speaking with me here today before their title defense which is just moments away.  Tell me, how do you plan to combat this juggernaut of an opponent you face in the squared-circle this evening?
Italian: Squared-circle?  Does that even make any sense? It's a square, dumbass announcer dude, just a square.
Ice: I think what my partner here is trying to say is we're going to tear through them like an Asian in traffic.  Then we are going to deliver our patented finishing movie, Little Italy.
Commentator: Let's talk about that devastating move. The last time you delivered the big boot, it took six months for that wrestler to recover.
Ice: So?
Italian: Listen and shut your mouth, we're here to do two things, be the best and look good doing it.  Oh, and a little message for our opponents....
Italian & Ice: What ya gonna do, Brattain and Shockley when Italian Ice runs wild on you??  EAAAHHHHHHEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Commentator: I'd hate to be in those guy's shoes, back to you, Bardeen.
[For those of you who don't know, Brattain, Shockley, and Bardeen are the guys who invented the transistor.  Dan, you were this close to making best caption with that reference, but in the end, I decided I couldn't live with myself if I gave it to you.]

Rice
"Let's make your tiger faces, you two!" shouted the cameraman.  Gino began trying so hard to find a muscle and appear tough to Missy that he burst an embolism in his brain forcing him to be rushed to the hospital.  Gino really should be dead right now, but since he has that engineering brain, there was plenty to go around.  But, the best part is that he farted RIGHT before he hit the ground.
[Jeff, I'm pretty sure you can't burst an embolism.  Maybe that's why I'm still alive...]

Dan L.
Dan: Hey Ish, I think they're trying to scare us...
Ish: They only thing that would make this picture more scary is if Gino took his shirt off to reveal a matching top.
[Instead of giving you half off on the new Ginocide shirt, Dan, I'm now charging you double.]

Russ
"Boy these crabs sure do pinch. I'm not quit sure what Gino's problem is."
[Russ, can't you see I get enough crappy captions as it is?  Gosh...]

Rice
As Emily stood amongst some of the world's ugliest women, she had no choice but to try and blend in with her freakish, blue tongue.  She soon felt more comfortable than ever as this was the first group of people who had not made a cookie monster oral sex joke after discovering her deformity.  Later, however, the chubby girl made a Papa Smurf reference and was beaten so badly, she almost looked good.

Dillon
I'm not saying anything but I'll still beat Louie!

James Zellen
"Look I just had my way with Papa Smurf!"

Worst caption: Dan C.
This is what your tongue will look like too if you suck off an entire village of Smurfs.  It tastes so good, when it touches your tongue.  Porn was never the same after that night, bondage really seemed less appealing and S&M seemed almost boring.  Smurf porn was the wave of the future, I think me likey.  Huh?!

Dan, the reason you lost is because you didn't realize that bondage and S&M are nearly one in the same.  Sorry, pal.

Ish
Ish: Holy shit those are nice titties!!!
Evan: Yep, they sure are.
Dillon: Hey now, Ish, there's no reason to be grabbing up front, the goods are down here.
Sandra: Oh, Ish, you're so craaaaazy.

Rice
"Boy, I reckon, dag gummit.  You Yankees shore do have purty teeth and talk real funny like.  I betcha y'all take showers and clip yer finger nails and... HOLY SHIT! I can see her nipples! FUCK YEAH!"

Evan
Ok, so let me get this straight... Randy get to put it in her ass AND have his balls tickled at the same time.  Dillon gets his tit played with and gets to bang.  And all I get is a fucking shoulder to the ballsack, AIN'T THAT SOME SHIT!!!

James Zellen
Happy Festivus.

Aaron Stone
No, Ish, I can't find shit. All I can find is that one testicle hangin' alone. Weird?!?!

Worst caption: Louie
Slut Bingo... Evan anticipates right hand on penis while Mike wants mouth on penis to spin around.

WHAT?!