Winning captions: Stone and Shaltz
Stone's
"Seriously, you know you wanna do it. Tim is in for some of the action, I just talked to him and he wants to get it on tonight. We just need you to hold the camera for us."

Shaltz's
Stone: "So let me get this straight... you are 18, right?"
Tim thinking: <Fuck you Stone, I'm 18 and you don't want a Filthy Sanchez from me... No one loves me.  Jesus I'm hairy... Maybe I'll put cornrows in my chest hair.>
Rice cant get over the fact that "Saved by the Bell" ended years ago... Screech was his "favorite pudwhacking material" as he so lightly put it.

Second place: Louie?!!!
Stone: <I would love to be jerking Tim off right now.>
Lindsey: <I would love to see Stone jerking off Tim right now.>
Tim: <I wish Stone would hurry up and jerk me off already.>
Jeff... Goddamn that's an ugly face.

Third place: Tom
Diane peed on that couch, just a reminder.  Tim's probably sitting in the old stain.  Jeff is trying to warn them but is too disgusted, so instead he plans on killing them with his hammer, dragging their bodies out to his car, raping the corpse of Lindsey... and Tim, dismembering their bodies, using Tim's fur as a coat, driving them to the Flint River, tying bricks to the miscellaneous body parts and throwing them into the river.  He will save their reproductive organs and wear them as a necklace to be eaten like one of those candy necklaces. He will do all this because it is less disgusting than warning them that they are sitting in Diane's pee.  Oh...yeah...I slept on that couch before...

Honorable mention: The rest of Stone's submissions
Trying to play a funny joke, Tim cut a hole in the bottom of his bottle and then tried to make girls drink out of it.  He only ended up with a badly scarred penis.

Lindsey thought, "Wow, he is sooooo hot.  He's the cutest guy here and I wanna take him home with me tonight.  Now if I could only get this drunk guy in between us out of the way I could make my move."

Worst caption: Jeff Rice
"I actually have two buttholes... if you're interested in turning my brown eyes blue," Lindsey confided to Aaron.  Overhearing this statement, Tim began to massage himself with the bottom of his beer.  All the while, Jeff was singing love songs into his hammer.

Winning caption: Jason
Jon: "Three... maybe four. I cant tell from here..."
Gino: "There is no way that you can fit four fingers in his ass and get head from him at the same time... but God you are hot when you talk that way."
While Gino and Jon talk about molesting Troy, Troy celebrates the news that his IQ is just a hair better than a brain-dead termite.

Second place: Rice
Jon Kipp points out, "Now, you see, if I was taking that picture, I would take a more George Lucas-esque type of shot.  You see, that picture will make Troy look short and weak.  However, if you were to shoot him from below he would look tall and dark... like Darth
Vader." Gino snorts back, "I am so fucking Italian. Look at my fucking hair! Where's my pizza?!"

Third place: Jon Kipp
Troy: "I AM NOT GAY!!!"
Jon: "I still don't know..."
Gino: "Dude, I know."
Diane: "I believe you, now come back to bed."

Worst caption: Troy
And Troy exclaimed, "This is my house, this is my beer, this is my stupid ass doing something stupid!" And the crowd giggled drunkenly.

Second worst caption: Louie
Troy: "IT FUCKING STINKS!!!"
Diane: "It's because he is standing in my piss."
Jon: "Sick bitch."
Gino: "I'm a dirty Italian."

Winning captions:
Jason
Jeff: "Hey, Kelli... Try these 'Shrinky Dinks'... they make you high... <whoa... dude>."
Dillon: "My shit tastes funny... Really, it does."
Jeff: "Shut up, Dillon... Let's go see who can fit the most tampons in their mouth... and anus."

Jeff
Jeff thought, "Do you think anyone noticed the little curl in the front of my hair? What about my facial hair? I've tried so hard to impress these people...and NOTHING! NOTHING! Well, that will all change now that I have my hammer...and Kelli will be the first to
feel its wrath.  Now if only I could find a place to store this weird tool I'm holding while I insert my hammer..."

Jon
Dillon - Yeah, Kelli, I know exactly what you're talking about... (If this pillow was you I'd be bonin' you right now.)

Stone
(Jeff thinking/talking out loud to himself) This party rocks...I am sooo wasted....You know what, if you put a wig on Troy he really would look just like Mandy... Man, I am lonely, I really miss Mandy... I wonder if anyone has a wig.... Hey Troy, come here for a second!

Tim
Kelly: "... And after that surgery I no longer have a penis and can finally call myself a woman".
Jeff: <Thinking> "Ahh, hammer, later on at night you will be visiting this young lady's pink area... then her face, then my mouth."
Mike: <Thinking> "I wonder if she notices that the cup I filled for her is not full of beer but of urine and some of the 'Dillio Special sauce'? Haha I'm so clever haha..... Drink it..... DRINK IT!"

Worst caption: Louis
Kelly: "So, I made out with my brother for this shirt..."
Jeff: "You did whhaaaaaattt?"
Mike: "That's fucking hot baby!"
Jeff: "Wanna get hammered?"

Second worst caption: Tom
Gino, off camera: "Smile, Dillon, or I slit your throat, this is going on Ginocide.com and it has to look good."  Cause it looks like there is a... er.. knife around his... um.. throat... He's holding a giant penis... Ha Ha... er.. Ha hee hee?... I suck...

Winning caption: Aaron Stone
Ok, girls, Kobe Bryant is here, assume the position.

Second place: Rice
Officer Jeff says, "You have the right to remain silent... if you can..." *WINK*

Worst caption: Troy
Seven, pink, volleyball players held hostage in Iraq...  More news on this and other breaking stories at eleven.  <To himself, "Dude that was lame, Troy, you're never gonna make it as a writer!">

Winning caption: Matt Kipp
I know why Gino chose this picture. It is not because Jason and Scott are dancing with a huge frog. He wants to enlighten us more on how many pixels are in the TV in the background and how Optrex manufactures them. Man, you are a fucking dork!!! (Next week on Ginocide.com, how Gino got caught sticking his dick in the USB port of this new Dell Inspiron notebook with a frickin' 19" LCD Monitor)

Second place: Little J
Miss Piggie "double clicked her mouse" while she video taped Kermie giving his green goo to Scott and get plowed by Uncle J at the same time.

Honorable mention: Tim Kipp
"To the windoooooooooooooowws, to the frog!"
Tim, this one was borderline.  It was hard for me to decide if this one should be in the good pile or the bad pile for the week.  Luckily, you're a better kisser than Louie.

Worst caption: Louie
"After I jabbed him in the ass with this pool cue, the hospital said to stop the bleeding, we rub the frog on it. You should be ready for more in about an hour."

Winning caption: Mike Dillon
Wouldn't you like to sponsor a Special Olympics athlete too?

Worst caption: Jeff Rice, by default
So that's why Tim Kipp gets Caption of the Week...

Worst caption: Jeff Rice, by default
As Devin compared the size of his PEN15 to a Jenga game piece, Diane laughed, "No one is that small!" Troy begrudgingly raised his hand to prove her wrong.  Tom was too busy checking out the goods to hear the conversation. Devin then retorted, "That's right, baby.  It would be like throwing a pencil in a cave...  A pencil in a cave!"

Aaron's caption:  "... And then, I pulled my finger out of her and got her back to school before recess was over!"

Second place: Andy Graves
"ONWARD TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL!"

Third place: Aroy Tadamson
Sometimes you just can't get those two extra fingers up to give the girl on the dashboard the "EXTREME SHOCKER".... So you settle for one in the pink... That's all I got...
 

Worst caption: Louie, of course
"The only straight part of my body is my finger, except when I stick it in my ass," explains Tim as he drives a yellow VW Beetle.

Second worst caption: Daunt
Tim, I thought I told you not to play with super glue. Who's the jackass now?

Second place: John Barb
"Lemme tell you something you might not know about me...  I smoke rocks."

Honorable mentions:
Tom
Ah, yes. I remember the days of yesteryear when we drank Molsons Canadians while masturbating, which was the style at the time. Er... is that a little too inside?

Louie
This is what happens when a greasy Italian (e.g. Gino) mixes with a dirty Canadian (e.g. Molson in hand), it makes an the ugliest species known to man: Italanadian (Shown here). [Note from Gino: Louie, that sucked, but the only reason I put it up was so that I could put Jeff's caption up.]

Jeff
When Ish proclaimed, "That horse is not Italian on your shirt, Gino!" Gino shot back with a quick "Here's what your mom looks like, Ish." The place fell silent for a couple minutes and Gino apologized and went back to Italianada.  [Note from Gino: Get it, Louie?  Italianada.  It's a mix of Italy and Canada.  Pretty stupid, huh?  Well, you created the joke, dipshit.]

Daunt
"Caaaaaan't stop drrrrrinking!"

Troy (Yeah, like the movie)
So, let me get this straight... I'm an Italian, drinking a Molson Canadian, in Up North Roscommon, Michigan, what is wrong with this picture? OHHH YEAHHHH, I'm a toolbox fairy. <Try to save this quote, Troyyyy, come on think... Ummm...> BEER! LOL  [Note from Gino: I love you, Troy.]

Worst caption: Stone
"Oh poo, I smeared my lipstick on my beer again! Skittles!"

Worst caption: Dan
If a starving kid from a third-world country can achieve super-stardom here in the US as the lovable Steve Urkel, then there is definitely hope for us all.